controversial. ish.

okay. It was originally my plan to put my blog on hiatus until Ben and I reached new York and unpacked our bags and had a moment to freak out about how awesome life is. In all likelihood, that is exactly what will happen after this post. I do fully intend to, as Hayley says, "blog the SHIT out of New York" once I get there. But something that happened in this past week's visit to Maine filled me with the urge to write. Sammy, Ange and I experienced something that I can honestly say was like nothing I've ever seen. That something was 'Magic Mike.' And that something was some kind of awful.

Now, if you have me pegged for one of those people who had their mind made up before they even entered the theater, then you have it all wrong. I WANTED to like this movie. My friends have loved it, I've really wanted to see it- I was deeply disappointed when my first attempt to view was thwarted by exhaustion and an upset stomach. I mean, come on. It's MALE STRIPPERS. GORGEOUS GUYS TAKING THEIR CLOTHES OFF AND DRY HUMPING WHATEVER IS AVAILABLE. What is not to like here? The answer: any conceivable effort toward a storyline.

The first few minutes of the movie were not so bad Mike, the brooding, experienced stripper, takes "the Kid" under his wing and introduces him to the glamorous world of exotic dancing. The guys all get on stage and shake it for the ladies, everybody's having a good time. And that's where it ends. We are then introduced to the Kid's older sister- a frumpy, monotonous, rather masculine looking woman that Mike mysteriously finds attractive, the dark side of stripping- or as I like to call it, "drugs are bad, ya'll", and Mike's dream of selling furniture instead of dancing for cash. By now, I am feeling so bad and grossed out for these guys that I really can't enjoy their subsequent stripping scenes. I'm worried that the Kid is going to get himself of Mike into trouble, and I can't watch them prance around in various states of undress without being reminded of this fact. The shit hits the fan, total chaos ensues- drug dealers want their money, the frumpy sister is angry and yelling, Mike doesn't know what to do, and Matthew Mcconaughey, perhaps the only part of the movie that I enjoyed from start to finish- is moving his boys from Tampa to Miami. Apparently there are even more horny housewives there. THEN Mike goes over to the grouchy sister's house and explains that he isn't leaving. They make some weird joke about breakfast- a theme that they have tried to pull through the entire movie but I can honestly say that I didn't understand at any point- and then they make out. THE END.

Roll credits. Lights up. We're all blinking at the screen in disbelief that THAT is how it ended. Then come the comments- "Oh my GOD, that was TERRIBLE!" "I can't believe it got so many good reviews!" "Well....I kind of liked the first ten minutes." We were all hard-pressed to come up with a movie worse than what we had just seen. Even the REALLY bad ones (DareDevil, Be Cool, Something Borrowed) seemed to be more enticing options. It was a disappointment, for suer. And I'm still a little stressed about how so many elements of the story were left...erm...dangling. What happened to the Kid and his drug problem? Did he ever realize that he was being a total shithead? how'd everyone fare in Miami? What about Mike's trashed apartment and draine bank account? What about the custom furniture that he was going to sell? Why they hell couldn't he just get a credit card and stop carrying piles of cash around? Believe it or not, the list goes on (and on...) but you get the idea.

For those of you that haven't seen it, my advice is this: Wait until it's on Netflix, and then fast forward through any part where he guys are fully clothed. Trust me, you'll be in for a much more pleasurable viewing.