Last week I had drinks with my friend, Katie. As we both simultaneously tried to tune out and eavesdrop in on the "writing club" that had spread itself out on the couches next to us, I shared my exploits as waitress, which inevitably involved some of New York's bitchiest.
See?? That's the thing," Katie said between sips of Stella. "People don't need to be mean. There is never a reason to be mean. Like, ever."
I know that this is a common sense type revelation for the entirety of my readership, but KATIE IS RIGHT. When you put things in perspective, there is almost nothing that you should really be mad about. With a few obvious exceptions. Murder of a family member, for instance.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. Or maybe I am just too sensitive to live in New York, I don't know. But I do know this: if you think that being a snarky jerk is all just part of- or worse- part of the FUN of living in New York, then I just feel sorry for you. Call me an optimist, an idealist, an idiot, whatever you want, but I honestly believe that a lot of the world's problems could be fixed if we all just adhered to two simple words- one tiny rule- BE KIND.
There are a lot of people out there, it seems, who are walking around with a sense of entitlement. They believe that the sheer act of being who they are entitles them to preferential treatment. They should be allowed right of way on the sidewalk, they have the right to have explicitly expressed rules bent for them, and if their needs are not met, they are entitled to be sour, nasty, and just plan mean to everybody. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this entitlement is false- shouldn't everyone just expect the same treatment? However, there is one thing that I think even the grouchiest of grouches DOES deserve- and THAT is to be treated with kindness. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that not everybody sees eye to eye about this. I just don't see how there can be so much anger and hatred out there in the world- so many people who are cruel because they feel like they can- or because it's acceptable in the place they live. It's not. Its just NOT.
I don't understand why kindness is not the first option for everybody, or how, for some people, the other blobs walking around near them on this planet are not PEOPLE, but punching bags without nerves or brains or emotions. I don't understand how wanting to make people happy or make them feel better or to just be polite and kind to them labels me as some sort of idiot in many circles. I'm not stupid. I just want to be nice and I want to be treated with respect- and that is the same sort of behavior that I would like to see from everybody else. I didn't realize until recently that this concept is so difficult for so many.
Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of weeks....
...But I'll end on this note- if you've had a recent experience where something good has come from kindness- or if you plan on kindness helping you through a tough spot- will you comment or message or email me and let me know how it goes? I know that the world is full of decent and wonderful people, and that I am lucky enough to have surrounded myself with some of the absolute best- and sometimes it's nice to have proof of the power of kindness in writing- maybe to restore my faith on a particularly tough day.
Generally when I'm mean...it's been on purpose and as a reaction to a perceived injustice towards me. The thing about revenge is you always think it's going to make you feel better and it never does. The thing I've noticed about when, say, your friends are mean to you. Sometimes they don't think they're being mean, and yet if you give them the hypothetical situation in reverse they instantly understand what mean and don't like people being mean to them. Everyone knows what mean is, and we should strive to make the world better by being less mean. :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just jaded, but I have no patients for anyone anymore. Honestly Mandy you spoiled me by being an all together too decent human being.
ReplyDeleteRANT ENGAGED
I use a wheelchair. It is hard and expensive for me to get around and visit people. I have to get hotel rooms in order to be able to use a wheelchair accessible bathroom. It's expensive, difficult and time consuming for me to make plans to visit people. If you are my friend I don't care because I love you and I enjoy the time we spend together.
When you live in Portland and you broadcast you're going up to Orono WHERE I'VE LIVED FOR 3 years and we haven't seen each other for 2 years and you won't pop in to say "hi" to me for 5 minutes...we really aren't friends. We just really aren't. I'm not saying that to be mean I'm saying that to remind myself not to expect good treatment from you as a person.
Mandy only ever disappointed me one time, and we talked about it and she apologized very well and without being prompted.
There have been so many many MANY times she's gone far above and beyond what is usually considered the general standard for kindness, I just don't think I can put up anymore with friends who are less kind, considerate and compassionate then Mandy Fahey, who is hands down THE BEST PERSON I KNOW. PERIOD.
And another thing, she won't let what I've said go to her head. She'll just blush and be all, "you're too kind Tom." Because that's how to be kind LIKE A BOSS!!! :)