sunday=worst night to have sleep troubles.

Last night I was struck by insomnia. It was the terrible, nagging insomnia that is relentless, even long after you've turned off the lights. It was the type of insomnia which reminds you that, no matter what you have done thus far, it is not good enough, and that you are now too old to really do the kinds of things you need to do to get what you want. I tossed and turned and tried to ignore it for about 45 minutes, and then sat up again in bed, turned on the light, and proceeded to make a list of the things I want and the things that I can do in order to put things in motion. It actually looks MUCH less intimidating once it is broken down like that. Suddenly the overwhelming things start looking like baby steps that build up over time so that I can make mammoth strides. I think I can live with that. And Molly suggested a book to avoid future sleepless nights, which Tom bought for me as an early birthday present- definitely something to look forward to. I spent a little while longer youtubing everything under the sun and googling tips for writing fiction (my favorite site was this one.), and then finally got to sleep around 3. And now it's Monday, and the birds are signing outside my window and I think that what remains of today will be good. I have a massive list to tackle, and I find that there are few things that I enjoy more in life than crossing things of lists.

More later.

...if things don't work out between Ben and I, you best believe I'll be finding an apartment full of geniuses to live next door to....

....but anyway, a thought for today....


There is a phrase that my mother often uses that's become increasingly relevant to me. I remember the first time she said it to me- I was small enough to ride in a grocery cart, and I was interrogating my mother with the many questions of life while she stocked up on mac+cheese and pork chops. "Mom," I asked as she passed me a box of cereal, "why are there so many people in jail?" And then she said it- a phrase I would hear much more- and even grow to repeat someday-

"because people are idiots."

And there you have it- the explanation for SO many of life's unanswerable questions, which included, but were not limited to "why don't people eat their vegetables?" to "why is there hell?" and you know, in my old age, "people are idiots" has become pretty damn useful. Call me naive, but it really had never occurred to me that SO many people are- well, idiots.

So go ahead- use the brilliant reasoning of my mother this weekend. If something bothers you, rationalize with old reliable. People ARE idiots. Go nuts.

And have a good weekend!!

Valentine's Day- 2012

Ben and I had already decided that we would celebrate Valentine's Day on Saturday. He had a lot of things to get finished for his MCAT class and Tuesday is in the middle of the week and it would just be more convenient that way. So, when I woke up this morning- feeling pretty rad for having a cold, I was not planning on spending the day with my boyfriend. In fact, I was planning on getting to my internship, filing, emailing, organizing, hopping a train and two buses to rising stars to celebrate Valentine's and then spending the evening with Elizabeth so that Ben could have the apartment to himself to film his teach-back. HOWEVER, the universe must have been conspiring to have us spend this special day together, even if it wasn't for a particularly romantic reason.

This morning, I managed to experience something that I don't think most people can add to their list of bragging rights. I, Mandy Fahey, fainted on a SEPTA bus going into Center City. I was feeling really warm and like I might get carsick, and then I woke up on the floor of the bus, wondering why I was looking at everybody's shoes, which was scary. Fortunately, the 27 makes a stop directly in front of Hahnemann University Hospital. Even more fortunately, I was on a bus of the nicest people in the world, including a nurse and a social worker who helped me off the bus, called Ben, and made sure I was situated in a room before continuing on with their respective days. Ben got there quickly- I think half expecting me to still be unconscious, and I changed into the most confusing hospital gown EVER (there were snaps where there should be sleeves....it took a couple tries). By this time I felt totally fine again, just a little shaken and stuffed up, but I was at the ER, and they needed to make sure that there was nothing wrong with my brain or my heart, AND that I wasn't pregnant (apparently many women find out they are pregnant from passing out...? News to me, but I guess I wouldn't doubt it....). But my brain is fine, my heart is fine, and, according to my nurse, my urine was "pristine," so no babies. It was just as I had suspected, my fainting was a result of not feeling well, being dehydrated, and feeling overheated on a crowded bus. So after ingesting an entire IV bag of saline and watching The Price Is Right on the hospital TV, I was allowed to leave. Ben positioned himself to be able to catch me if i fainted on the bus ride back (I didn't), and I spent the rest of the afternoon drinking seltzer, watching Frasier, and reading cosmopolitain while Ben read up on his chemistry for his next class- how romantic! But we still might celebrate on Saturday...

And so, that is how Ben and I managed to spend our Valentine's Day together. It's also how I acquired a very bizarre experience to my life story. According to my co-worker, Doretha, I am the only person she has ever heard of passing out on a city bus. I'm sure I'm not the ONLY one, but I'm probably in a select few!

Happy Valentine's Day, all!

the networking mystery---solved!!

For some reason, I've always imagined networking to be something that only happened in posh mansions in southern california. The only people who were ever known to "network" were very rich people who spent their evenings standing by a swimming pool with some kind of alcoholic beverage in hand, discussing how difficult it is to be rich and busy and important. Obviously I wasn't too clear on the whole "networking" concept, unless you count having a facebook page and posting inside jokes on the walls of my friends, which I don't. But this weekend- I think I might have ACTUALLY experienced it. And there wasn't a swimming pool or alcoholic beverage in sight!

I recently accepted a position with a small production company called Tiny Dynamite, whose claim to fame is the relatively new "a Play, a Pie, and a Pint." Basically, for $15, you get a beer, a slice of pizza, and a 40 minute one act play on a Tuesday or Wednesday evening in Society Hill. It's a pretty sweet deal. I will be their production intern, which means that I will help the stage manager find props, assist during tech rehearsals, and schmooze with audience members before the shows start. I won't be paid, but I WILL get free pizza, beer, and plays, and have the opportunity to meet some really great people. And I figure- the more things I can get on my resume that aren't paid, the closer I can get to actually BEING paid. It's all winning.

So this weekend, I hopped a train to Narbeth, Pennsylvania for our first production meeting. I was half expecting Narbeth to be some kind of scary suburb, as so many of them are, but this place was actually really nice. There was a quaint little main street, with specialty shops and a french bakery where I stopped for a cup of earl grey. And then I made my way to the nicest house on earth, full of the nicest stuff on earth, and some of the nicest people I've met in a while. And all of them were so wonderful and wanting to help me and were just-- GREAT. I had a wonderful time. And that's that- networking is no longer a mystery, and in fact, it was kind of fun! I'm looking forward to working with these people. And on the train back, I had this overwhelming feeling that everything is getting better all the time. Cue the Beatles. WOOHOO weekend!

:)

January's WINNING-est!!

Here they are!!! The three most winning-est things I've seen this month!! ENJOY!

3) At the end of my street there is a diner that looks adorable, but we somehow have not managed to get to yet. Outside of this diner are a bunch of free newspaper bins, one of which belongs to Philly's famed, independent "CITY PAPER." Ben and I used it once to wrap each other's Christmas presents, and hey, who could have known that it would go so well?? Turns out there are several pages of...ahem...."adult" classifieds, complete with pictures and vivid descriptions. Christmas wrap AND a good laugh? What more could you want from a free newspaper?? I have the answer. THIS. Now, I'll admit, there are a couple of these that are very sad and/or heartfelt, and to the people who submitted those, I hope everything works out for you. To even fewer- THANK YOU for being so positive!! BUT THE REST OF YOU: how awesome must it feel to have your road rage, complete with a wish that all of this reckless driver's children die of brain tumors, in print?? And the woman who was scored by Kenneth, the man that spews lies, GOOD FOR YOU! Your publication of his flaws will ABSOLUTELY do something other than make you seem like a crazy person. I mean, I'm sorry he dumped you, but get some wine and watch the notebook like the rest of us. I can't really decide who this is more of a win for- CITY PAPER, which came up with this idea, or for me, because now I get to read them all. Who knows, maybe these love/hates are a good way for people to blow off steam so that they don't become violent. But if you ask me, it's just a way for them to blow up the newsprint and make themselves look like idiots. That I can laugh at, of course.

2) I know that some might say that Gingrich was the winner here, but trust me, I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart won this debate, which is quite a feat, considering he was not in attendance.

1) Melissa McCarthy, who has been nominated for an Oscar for her work in "Bridesmaids." I think that's freakin' awesome. She was hilarious in that movie. cha-ching!! WINNING!!!

Monday, Monday, Monday

HERE is a song about Mondays that will get stuck in your head and (hopefully) make you feel less sucky about the day. If nothing else, the creepy-ass monkeys in the video will give you something to talk about.

It was gross here today. The clouds were lingering quite close to the ground, just barely missing the slush that is still everywhere, and while it wasn't really raining, the air was so thick and heavy, you could probably chew it if you wanted to.

It was one of those days that makes me euro-sick, that is- one of those days that reminds me about my trip to Ireland years ago, where the weather was always like this and you wouldn't have to go too far before you found a nice grassy knoll where sheep were grazing (with colored patches on their wool so that farmers could differentiate). The fog and the damp and the almost-rain always remind me to promise myself that I'll return to Ireland one day. I feel like I will appreciate everything more now that I am out of high school. That's just the way some things are- or, okay, almost everything is.

Today is Monday. I got to thinking about it as a boarded the bus to Greene Street this afternoon. Everybody was a little droopy, perhaps because of the weather, but maybe also because it's Monday. Have you ever known somebody whose favorite weekday is Monday? I doubt it. Nobody likes them. Just ask Garfield. I think almost everybody chalks all the Monday blues up to social norms. People have hated Monday for as long as we've known, why mess with a good thing? Hell, it feels GOOD to throw a little hatred Monday's way. But did you know that there are studies that provide conclusive (ish) evidence that Mondays are ACTUALLY the most depressing day of the week? It's true. I googled it! And there are a freakishly HUGE number of articles related to this topic.

According to one article (linked here if you'd like to view for yourself), on average, people do not smile until 11:16 am on a Monday morning, and that nearly half of employees are late for work (though I think that seems rather high...) and will only log 3 1/2 hours of actual productivity (THAT, on the other hand, seems about right...). However, this article also includes a testimony from a clinical psychologist which suggests that perhaps the workplace IS the best place for you on a Monday morning- humans tend to have tribal instincts and really DO feel much better once they have reconnected with the tribe in their office, school, what have you. Once we have re-established a connection, we are more apt to get our work done, which might explain the dip in productivity that day. Though I do wonder what the numbers are like for Fridays- I feel like there's not a lot being done on those days either...

There is another study (this one) which explains that the key to avoiding the Monday blues is simple- just stop sleeping in on the weekends! Yeah, I know, what a ridiculous notion. Unfortunately, it does seem to be rooted in actual fact. Apparently, when we sleep in for a couple hours on Saturday and Sunday, we are actually giving our brains a little bit of a jet-lag, so we are not as sleepy Sunday night, and certainly not ready to hop out of bed bright and early on Monday morning. This is a very interesting point, but I'm gonna level with you- I like sleeping in on the weekends, so I'll just go with denial. Hey, that study was conducted using samples of saliva and measurement of hormones and questionnaires. Since WHEN have ANY of those things been helpful?

Regardless of what you think about Monday OR any of this silly Monday research, I feel like I should mention some cures for the Monday blues that were included in the first article (TRUST me, they needed a team of trained professionals to come up with these)....

"the best way to beat those Monday blues is by indulging in activities like watching television, having sex, online shopping, buying chocolate or make-up, or planning a holiday"

oh, okay. if you insist!

happy monday, everybody! :)

at least we're over the hump...

Remember all the way back when Grey's Anatomy didn't suck? It used to be a medical drama based around a group of (somewhat) likeable characters and their experiences as surgical residents. Sometimes it was funny, sometimes sad, sometimes exciting- would the patient pull through? You could relate to those people- they were like someone you knew. I liked that. Now it's just a bunch of whiney "doctors" who do nothing but sleep around and continue to be totally shocked when one terrible thing after another happens at their hospital- bombs, car accidents involving emergency vehicles, floods, crazy people with guns- who knew Seattle was such a violent place>? I don't watch it anymore- too much stress. Plus, there's just something about the interview decorum of series creator Shonda Rhimes that rubs me the wrong way. That whole "Oh, haha, I know what's going to happen and YOU don't!" "Better watch this week! Someone's gonna DIE!" Yeah. No. I'll pass.

But I digress...

There is one particular moment from those early episodes that has always stood out to me- a moment I can really sympathize with. George O'Malley, who is aggravated, upset, and visibly flustered, bursts through a door and thrusts himself down amongst his friends. "Who here feels like they have NO idea what they're doing?" he spits, and everybody raises their hand. I'm with you, George.

I think, if I were totally honest with myself, I dont know what I'm doing about 75% of the time. This usually doesn't include the easy stuff, like my commute (although sometimes it does...you'd be surprised.) I know what I WANT to do in the future, I think I know the steps I have to take to get there- and yet, sometimes I feel so totally lost- how is ANYTHING I'm doing going to help me get what I want? Am I already too old to get on the right track? Is any of what I've done even CLOSE to the track I want to be on? Most of the time, I am able to rationalize the steps I have taken so far, and realize that rushing right into grad school is not the best choice for me right now. I have to keep plugging away and taking whatever opportunities I can get. I need more life experience than I have right now. I feel like if I rushed back to get my masters, it would feel like undergrad: round two, and I would end up trying to teach a group of college students who are still around my same age, most of whom wouldn't take me the slightest bit seriously. I know I wouldn't. But still. This week has been one of those weeks- where I've felt lost approximately 100% of the time. There are still a couple of days left though. Maybe I'll come around.

Not about Grey's Anatomy, though. Nowadays it just plain sucks.