On Monday I came across a list of the "10 Most Hated" Christmas songs in one of New York City's many tabloid papers. While I give the team responsible an A for effort, I DO seriously have to question said list, because it did not include Sir Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" OR a techno disco remix of "Last Christmas" that is always so popular at shopping malls this time of year. This list, however, DID get me thinking about Christmas songs- the good, the bad, and the just plain weird.
I won't bore you with my top 10 list of worst Christmas songs. You already know where it is headed. I WILL, however, share with you two of the strangest Christmas songs I've ever heard. Here it goes.
Percy the Puny Poinsettia (recorded By Elmo and Patsy)- Try as I might, I could not find a YoutTube version of this song, so I found the next best things- the lyrics, as well as a very creepy singing poinsettia which sings a little bit of the song. I've just gotta give the rhyme makers here some props- poinsettia is not an easy word to rhyme, and they've got all kinds of ways to bend some words and make it work- wetta, betta, redda--in fact, I kind of wish there was a reference to 'chedda' in there somewhere. They also really manage to pull at your heartstrings for this poor flower- 'even a plant with no uncle or aunt should spend christmas day by himself.' I hope you'll think of Percy the next time you see a tiny little poinsettia this time of year.
Must Be Snooki Claus (recorded by CoolKingChris and the Bob and Sheri Cast)- this song is a parody of a more traditional Christmas earworm, Must Be Santa, which, once you hear, you will not get out of your head for approximately seven years. Must Be Snooki is a fun spinoff of this, and while it will still get stuck in your head, the lyrics are infinitely more entertaining. Do yourself a favor and watch the photo montage as well. The whole thing is pretty funny.
Does anybody else have a bizarre Christmas Song to share? Let me know, I wanna hear 'em!!
Happy Hump Day!
...
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
12-11-12
It's been many moons since my last post. I fear that I may be turning into a "real" New Yorker. I've been working full time plus at the restaurant, and while I SHOULD be celebrating my financial success as I am now made of money, all I can do is gripe and complain about who I have no free time and I'm always tired and how all this caffeine is making my eyelid twitch.
My apologies.
I've been really missing Philly lately. I mean, it was a little far awa from Maie for my liking, but I was very happy there. I had a job that I loved with kids that I adored and miss very much, I had an amazing internship which, though unpaid, earned me some wonderful experience and a longing for an office full of people as awesome as those at the Arden. I was cooking for Ben in our tiny apartment and I had close friends close by and I even took up running up and down the hills of Manayunk. Maybe it's graduation goggles but hell, I even miss the disgusting public transportation in Philly. And Philly Shakespeare. And Old City. And Kip the looney ballet teacher. And auditions.
BUT I DIGRESS.
The holidays are now upon is. Hanukkah has begun and I am (believe it or not) mostly finished with my Christmas shopping and crafts. I've been making an effort to enjoy the process this year and not be so stressed. So far, so good.
Ben and I will also be able to travel together to Maine for the holiday, which, after Thanksgiving's nightmarish debacle, is awesome. We will leave New York on December 20, stay in Boston with some awesome friends that evening, and depart for Maine on the eve of the 21st. I will arrive in Maine on the 22nd. MARK YOUR CALENDARS, PEOPLE!!
So, in an effort to get myself a little more amped about the holiday season and feeling good and less Philly-sick (or whatever it is), I am gonna try and count down the last few days until Christmas with some of my favorite holiday memories, thoughts, etc. I already posted a clip from the Claymation Christmas Special, a program that I thoroughly believe should be mandatory viewing for all during the month of December. It's got everything- dinosaurs, ice-skating walruses, the California Raisins, and, of course, CHRISTMAS SNACKS! There's a VHS copy of it on the Fahey homestead- if ONLY i had a VCR!!
Today I want to share a memore of one of the BEST Hanukkah stories ever- Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins. I was first introduced to the story my senior year of high school, when one of the most kickass teachers ever read it aloud to our creative writing class. IT follows the adventures of Herschel as he outwits a band of Hanukkah-hating goblins and eventually comes face to face with the goblin KING before bringing Hanukkah back to the village. The story is great, the pictures are great, it's just awesome.
Around this time last year, I had the opportunity to take some children fro Greene Street to see a production of 'Herschel' put together by a local creative arts group. IT was very well done- there were bright colors, fuzzy puppets, and a bunch of jokes that the kids really liked. However, there was one element that I hadn't been counting on.
We has been warned ahead of time that some of the show might be scary for smaller children, but even with this knowledge, all of the kids wanted to see the show. I found myself sandwiched between two of the more nervous Kindergarteners- who had decided at the last minute that they WOULD like to wach the show instead of sitting outside with me- as long as I could sit next to them- in the aisle. A great time was had by all- until the Goblin King's booming voice was heard. You know those creepy voice-distorters that they show kidnappers using on crime dramas? Yeah, THAT was the voice of the Goblin King. I simultaneously had to deal with two situations- the first was Julian, who immediately crawled onto my shoulder and perched there like he was a parrot. I somehow managed to balance him there while chasing after Talia, who began running up the steps of the auditorium to get away from the scary voice. I scooped both of them into my arms and tried to explain that it was just a microphone and that it wasn't real, but they weren't having it. Mercifully, the show ended soon after, and even more mercifully, the children were given a chance to see the puppets with the house lights on. After that, Julian and Talia both agreed that the Goblin King was their favorite part. Go figure.
My apologies.
I've been really missing Philly lately. I mean, it was a little far awa from Maie for my liking, but I was very happy there. I had a job that I loved with kids that I adored and miss very much, I had an amazing internship which, though unpaid, earned me some wonderful experience and a longing for an office full of people as awesome as those at the Arden. I was cooking for Ben in our tiny apartment and I had close friends close by and I even took up running up and down the hills of Manayunk. Maybe it's graduation goggles but hell, I even miss the disgusting public transportation in Philly. And Philly Shakespeare. And Old City. And Kip the looney ballet teacher. And auditions.
BUT I DIGRESS.
The holidays are now upon is. Hanukkah has begun and I am (believe it or not) mostly finished with my Christmas shopping and crafts. I've been making an effort to enjoy the process this year and not be so stressed. So far, so good.
Ben and I will also be able to travel together to Maine for the holiday, which, after Thanksgiving's nightmarish debacle, is awesome. We will leave New York on December 20, stay in Boston with some awesome friends that evening, and depart for Maine on the eve of the 21st. I will arrive in Maine on the 22nd. MARK YOUR CALENDARS, PEOPLE!!
So, in an effort to get myself a little more amped about the holiday season and feeling good and less Philly-sick (or whatever it is), I am gonna try and count down the last few days until Christmas with some of my favorite holiday memories, thoughts, etc. I already posted a clip from the Claymation Christmas Special, a program that I thoroughly believe should be mandatory viewing for all during the month of December. It's got everything- dinosaurs, ice-skating walruses, the California Raisins, and, of course, CHRISTMAS SNACKS! There's a VHS copy of it on the Fahey homestead- if ONLY i had a VCR!!
Today I want to share a memore of one of the BEST Hanukkah stories ever- Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins. I was first introduced to the story my senior year of high school, when one of the most kickass teachers ever read it aloud to our creative writing class. IT follows the adventures of Herschel as he outwits a band of Hanukkah-hating goblins and eventually comes face to face with the goblin KING before bringing Hanukkah back to the village. The story is great, the pictures are great, it's just awesome.
Around this time last year, I had the opportunity to take some children fro Greene Street to see a production of 'Herschel' put together by a local creative arts group. IT was very well done- there were bright colors, fuzzy puppets, and a bunch of jokes that the kids really liked. However, there was one element that I hadn't been counting on.
We has been warned ahead of time that some of the show might be scary for smaller children, but even with this knowledge, all of the kids wanted to see the show. I found myself sandwiched between two of the more nervous Kindergarteners- who had decided at the last minute that they WOULD like to wach the show instead of sitting outside with me- as long as I could sit next to them- in the aisle. A great time was had by all- until the Goblin King's booming voice was heard. You know those creepy voice-distorters that they show kidnappers using on crime dramas? Yeah, THAT was the voice of the Goblin King. I simultaneously had to deal with two situations- the first was Julian, who immediately crawled onto my shoulder and perched there like he was a parrot. I somehow managed to balance him there while chasing after Talia, who began running up the steps of the auditorium to get away from the scary voice. I scooped both of them into my arms and tried to explain that it was just a microphone and that it wasn't real, but they weren't having it. Mercifully, the show ended soon after, and even more mercifully, the children were given a chance to see the puppets with the house lights on. After that, Julian and Talia both agreed that the Goblin King was their favorite part. Go figure.
Friday, October 26, 2012
My Handsome Friend Telly
When I was working at the slots, I had a strategy that would give me a little "up" when I was feeling down. For every bad thing that happened or that I thought, I would make myself think of two good things, and then I would feel better. I can't take all the credit for this though. My strategy was actually a solitary version of a game invented by my friend, Tyler, and I think it was originally used to make fun of someone, but nevertheless, it helped me get through some of the rougher days of slinging diet coke and feeling unsure about where my life was headed.
After posting my last entry and doing some serious meditation and soul-searching, I have decided to bring back my old strategy. Now, considering the severity of my last post and it's negativity, I have decided that I will share not two, but FOUR good things that have made me happy this week.
1) I got to skype with my handsome friend, Telly last night, who I have not seen in a while. It was very god to catch up, and he gave me a wonderful suggestion for the title of the post this morning!
2) My sister bought THESE SHOES for me, and they arrived at my apartment last night!! Ruby red, just like dorothy!! Lets see those flying monkeys try and catch me now!!
3) I got to spend much of yesterday cooking and watching the Golden Girls. I just love Betty White!!!
4) THIS GUY. There's something about his little face that tells you he knows that today will be a good day. And frankly, who am I to argue with that??
After posting my last entry and doing some serious meditation and soul-searching, I have decided to bring back my old strategy. Now, considering the severity of my last post and it's negativity, I have decided that I will share not two, but FOUR good things that have made me happy this week.
1) I got to skype with my handsome friend, Telly last night, who I have not seen in a while. It was very god to catch up, and he gave me a wonderful suggestion for the title of the post this morning!
2) My sister bought THESE SHOES for me, and they arrived at my apartment last night!! Ruby red, just like dorothy!! Lets see those flying monkeys try and catch me now!!
3) I got to spend much of yesterday cooking and watching the Golden Girls. I just love Betty White!!!
4) THIS GUY. There's something about his little face that tells you he knows that today will be a good day. And frankly, who am I to argue with that??
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
2 Words To Live By
Last week I had drinks with my friend, Katie. As we both simultaneously tried to tune out and eavesdrop in on the "writing club" that had spread itself out on the couches next to us, I shared my exploits as waitress, which inevitably involved some of New York's bitchiest.
See?? That's the thing," Katie said between sips of Stella. "People don't need to be mean. There is never a reason to be mean. Like, ever."
I know that this is a common sense type revelation for the entirety of my readership, but KATIE IS RIGHT. When you put things in perspective, there is almost nothing that you should really be mad about. With a few obvious exceptions. Murder of a family member, for instance.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. Or maybe I am just too sensitive to live in New York, I don't know. But I do know this: if you think that being a snarky jerk is all just part of- or worse- part of the FUN of living in New York, then I just feel sorry for you. Call me an optimist, an idealist, an idiot, whatever you want, but I honestly believe that a lot of the world's problems could be fixed if we all just adhered to two simple words- one tiny rule- BE KIND.
There are a lot of people out there, it seems, who are walking around with a sense of entitlement. They believe that the sheer act of being who they are entitles them to preferential treatment. They should be allowed right of way on the sidewalk, they have the right to have explicitly expressed rules bent for them, and if their needs are not met, they are entitled to be sour, nasty, and just plan mean to everybody. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this entitlement is false- shouldn't everyone just expect the same treatment? However, there is one thing that I think even the grouchiest of grouches DOES deserve- and THAT is to be treated with kindness. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that not everybody sees eye to eye about this. I just don't see how there can be so much anger and hatred out there in the world- so many people who are cruel because they feel like they can- or because it's acceptable in the place they live. It's not. Its just NOT.
I don't understand why kindness is not the first option for everybody, or how, for some people, the other blobs walking around near them on this planet are not PEOPLE, but punching bags without nerves or brains or emotions. I don't understand how wanting to make people happy or make them feel better or to just be polite and kind to them labels me as some sort of idiot in many circles. I'm not stupid. I just want to be nice and I want to be treated with respect- and that is the same sort of behavior that I would like to see from everybody else. I didn't realize until recently that this concept is so difficult for so many.
Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of weeks....
...But I'll end on this note- if you've had a recent experience where something good has come from kindness- or if you plan on kindness helping you through a tough spot- will you comment or message or email me and let me know how it goes? I know that the world is full of decent and wonderful people, and that I am lucky enough to have surrounded myself with some of the absolute best- and sometimes it's nice to have proof of the power of kindness in writing- maybe to restore my faith on a particularly tough day.
See?? That's the thing," Katie said between sips of Stella. "People don't need to be mean. There is never a reason to be mean. Like, ever."
I know that this is a common sense type revelation for the entirety of my readership, but KATIE IS RIGHT. When you put things in perspective, there is almost nothing that you should really be mad about. With a few obvious exceptions. Murder of a family member, for instance.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. Or maybe I am just too sensitive to live in New York, I don't know. But I do know this: if you think that being a snarky jerk is all just part of- or worse- part of the FUN of living in New York, then I just feel sorry for you. Call me an optimist, an idealist, an idiot, whatever you want, but I honestly believe that a lot of the world's problems could be fixed if we all just adhered to two simple words- one tiny rule- BE KIND.
There are a lot of people out there, it seems, who are walking around with a sense of entitlement. They believe that the sheer act of being who they are entitles them to preferential treatment. They should be allowed right of way on the sidewalk, they have the right to have explicitly expressed rules bent for them, and if their needs are not met, they are entitled to be sour, nasty, and just plan mean to everybody. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this entitlement is false- shouldn't everyone just expect the same treatment? However, there is one thing that I think even the grouchiest of grouches DOES deserve- and THAT is to be treated with kindness. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that not everybody sees eye to eye about this. I just don't see how there can be so much anger and hatred out there in the world- so many people who are cruel because they feel like they can- or because it's acceptable in the place they live. It's not. Its just NOT.
I don't understand why kindness is not the first option for everybody, or how, for some people, the other blobs walking around near them on this planet are not PEOPLE, but punching bags without nerves or brains or emotions. I don't understand how wanting to make people happy or make them feel better or to just be polite and kind to them labels me as some sort of idiot in many circles. I'm not stupid. I just want to be nice and I want to be treated with respect- and that is the same sort of behavior that I would like to see from everybody else. I didn't realize until recently that this concept is so difficult for so many.
Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of weeks....
...But I'll end on this note- if you've had a recent experience where something good has come from kindness- or if you plan on kindness helping you through a tough spot- will you comment or message or email me and let me know how it goes? I know that the world is full of decent and wonderful people, and that I am lucky enough to have surrounded myself with some of the absolute best- and sometimes it's nice to have proof of the power of kindness in writing- maybe to restore my faith on a particularly tough day.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Mega-Work-Weekend: A Collection of Haikus.
FRIDAY
Post Ceremony:
"Thank God. Get in here, woman.
I need martinis."
SATURDAY
Walked in Central Park
Until all the streetlights lit
Now, where's the East Side?
SUNDAY
My brain is just mush
But I saw THE BEST mullet
While on the subway.
MONDAY
"eh, well, they're okay."
Karmic retribution and
thousand dollar plants.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Adventures In Apartment 6D
The following is an actual conversation that took place between 4:00 and 5:00 am.
Mandy: (rolls over, pets cat, and opens eyes slightly to see something round and shiny- a cockroach- on the edge of the bed) *GASP!* OH MY GOD!
Ben: (starts from sleep) What is it?
Mandy: Ahhhhh OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
Ben: Are you okay? What's going on?
Mandy: (spoken very quickly while trying to put Ben between herself and shiny round object) Ben I think there's a cockroach on the edge of the bed and I don't like it and I don't want to deal with it and ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Ben: Where?
Mandy: (points) over there! over there! I think it's on the edge of the bed! It's round and shiny and I don't want to see it!
Ben: Well, close your eyes then, I'm going to turn on the light. (Snaps light on). Mandy, that isn't a cockroach. That is one of the handles of your purse.
Mandy: Oh. Oops!!
After I apologized profusely, Ben went back to sleep, and I struggled to get my heart rate down to a resting speed. PHEW!! Who knows what I would have done if it actually HAD been a roach.
Mandy: (rolls over, pets cat, and opens eyes slightly to see something round and shiny- a cockroach- on the edge of the bed) *GASP!* OH MY GOD!
Ben: (starts from sleep) What is it?
Mandy: Ahhhhh OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
Ben: Are you okay? What's going on?
Mandy: (spoken very quickly while trying to put Ben between herself and shiny round object) Ben I think there's a cockroach on the edge of the bed and I don't like it and I don't want to deal with it and ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Ben: Where?
Mandy: (points) over there! over there! I think it's on the edge of the bed! It's round and shiny and I don't want to see it!
Ben: Well, close your eyes then, I'm going to turn on the light. (Snaps light on). Mandy, that isn't a cockroach. That is one of the handles of your purse.
Mandy: Oh. Oops!!
After I apologized profusely, Ben went back to sleep, and I struggled to get my heart rate down to a resting speed. PHEW!! Who knows what I would have done if it actually HAD been a roach.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Brunching Philosophical
I think that brunch is my favorite shift of the week. I get to make lots of really strong breakfast drinks, serve the most delicious looking food on the planet, and talk with a lot of really interesting people- not to mention the whole crazy tips part. Today at brunch I chatted with a fellow runner. She is training for a marathon and takes “classes” with a running store around the corner from Bistro Nora. They aren't really classes, I guess, but it is a big group of people that all gets together and does big runs together and people notice if you aren't there- which she says keeps her motivated. And Bistro Nora's brunch keeps her protein-ated. And full. Also among the brunchers today were a group of seriously hungover adults- and when I say adults, I mean people older than the typical hangover crowd- who ordered bloody marys and the greasiest meals on the menu. They were really funny and really nice, despite the fact that they had obviously had a rough night- and an even rougher morning. And then there was a reservation for lunch for twelve. They were some kind of travel group, and Danny, the owner, had worked out a fixed menu for them. I was a little worried that this was going to be a stressful situation for me. However, this group of twelve had traveled all the way from France, and out of the twelve of them, only one spoke a word of english. He kept count of who wanted what, I used tally marks, and the kitchen brought everything out. (As Danny says) Piece of cake! As far as french goes, I can understand it pretty well, but I am no good at making my own sentences and speaking. However, I could hear everybody talking about how delicious their food was and how sweet their waitress was as well[o:)]. I'm feeling like today was a pretty good day.
In spite of the fast pace and really wonderful customers, today was super long. And I got to thinking about the future, and what sort of job I'd like to have once it's time for babies. I told Ben that I was liking the idea of being a “stay at home mom” more and more. His response? “I think you'd get really bored.”
I thought about it. And I think he's right. Once my kids were in school, I would be desperate for things to do all day. We came up with a list of things I might entertain myself with....
-get REALLY into Soap Operas
-run a SUPER DUPER marathon
-alphabetize Chandler's funny lines throughout the Friends series
-bake every pastry possible for every single neighbor, even the grouches
-plant a humongous garden
-take in zillions of stray animals (which Ben alleges that he will “put his foot down” about, but I don't think he will be able to resist their sweet faces once I get them in the house....)
-knit and/or crochet matching hats, mittens, sweaters, scarves, and socks for my entire extended family and all close friends. And acquaintances.
I'm sure there are more. Anyone have any suggestions?
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!!
In spite of the fast pace and really wonderful customers, today was super long. And I got to thinking about the future, and what sort of job I'd like to have once it's time for babies. I told Ben that I was liking the idea of being a “stay at home mom” more and more. His response? “I think you'd get really bored.”
I thought about it. And I think he's right. Once my kids were in school, I would be desperate for things to do all day. We came up with a list of things I might entertain myself with....
-get REALLY into Soap Operas
-run a SUPER DUPER marathon
-alphabetize Chandler's funny lines throughout the Friends series
-bake every pastry possible for every single neighbor, even the grouches
-plant a humongous garden
-take in zillions of stray animals (which Ben alleges that he will “put his foot down” about, but I don't think he will be able to resist their sweet faces once I get them in the house....)
-knit and/or crochet matching hats, mittens, sweaters, scarves, and socks for my entire extended family and all close friends. And acquaintances.
I'm sure there are more. Anyone have any suggestions?
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)